the politics of female friendships
Nokyoung Xayasane

If I were a dude,
and my friend and I were having
a disagreement,
if we were upset with each other,
maybe we would wrestle
or punch each other in the face,
and then we would be cool.
We’d shake hands.
Everything would be fine.

But I’m not a dude.
I’m a woman.
In a female fight,
there will be one person
who will deny the tension,
maybe both do.
You actually look a lot
better in that dress
than you did last summer.
That’s a blow to the chin
if I ever felt one.

Girls become obsessed
obsessed
with other women.
Like, they’re in love with them
and then the next day,
they can burn in hell
for all you care.

Here’s a bit of
unsolicited advice:
If you want to enter
the inner sanctum
of the inner circle,
you have to ingratiate
yourself to the queen bee.
Her minions fear and love her
like a ruling tyrant.

Girls will use other girls
against each other, especially
if it involves a boy.
Three-way calling has
led to wars of epic proportions.
He’s with her?
That’s a punch to the gut
if I ever felt one.

And whatever you do
beware of the major faux pas
of becoming close friends
with someone
another friend
holds dear.
I’ve worked really hard to invest
in these friendships.
That’s a punch in the gut
if I ever felt one.
You’ll feel like you stole
their boyfriend.
Whatever you do,
Never ever
“steal” a “friend’s” boyfriend
even if they’ve broken up
even if they’re on a break.
That’s akin to inviting
one friend out for coffee
and excluding the other,
that’s friendship suicide,
that’s the politics of female friendships.

Sometimes you’ll think a girl hates you,
and she probably does,
but she probably also loves you, too.
One day, you swear
that bitch
is dead to you,
then the next day, you’ll be sharing
a dessert.
Everything’s fine,
just fine.
The politics of female friendships.
I’d rather be a brain surgeon.