northbound
Nokyoung Xayasane

I wonder where you are.
Are you happy?
Do you ever think of me?
I think of you
as the bus rolls down Ossington.
I can see you walking down the street.
I raise my hand to get your attention,
but it’s someone else. Not you.

I wonder if you’re sleeping properly.
Did you ever get that test done?
I watch as your head nods.
The cat sleeps on your chest.
Its small body moves up and down
with your breaths.
I turn away from the bus window
and catch my reflection on its surface.
Dundas Street comes into view.

The bus passes a schoolyard
and I see two people
throwing a frisbee back and forth.
The sun is behind them.
Were we ever that beautiful?
I think we were.
Did we know it?
I’m not sure.

I step off the bus at St. Clair and Ossington,
back in our old ‘hood.
I walk by Danny’s Vacuum.
I look in and we are standing there with Danny.
He is holding a vacuum cleaner
and twirling it over his head.
I see our faces, open with laughter.
We decide to buy the vacuum.

I enter the dentist office
and you are standing there
placing a John Coltrane record on the mantel
next to a painting I picked up from the street.
Was it my record or yours?
We used to wander into shops,
flipping through the albums.
I ask you if you’re going to put that on.
The receptionist smiles at me
and I sit down,
the sun filters in from the window
and the St. Clair streetcar passes by.
I wonder where you are.